A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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