k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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