Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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