the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
