some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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