went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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