dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
