batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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