i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other