She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams