i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...