she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it's like heaven, but drunker
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
