true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
