She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
