so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
