girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
