Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
