Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
