also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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