I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
