I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
