you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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