i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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