I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
