I seem to have left my pride at pride
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
