just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
