I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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