Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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