Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
