found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
