I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
