so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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