I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize