I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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