Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
