just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
