How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
