Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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