All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
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I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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