she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
