so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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