shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
