I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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