I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
