I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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