If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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