I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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