Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.