new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name