I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
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The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk