my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.