Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
