Where is the hickey?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
