I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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