I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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