his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
