we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just want to make out with him forever
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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