I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize