How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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