When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Be still, my beating vagina.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
