my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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