The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
