If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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