i already hear my dad disowning me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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