so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize