I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize