I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
